


Train-cars

by Fizzpop_Stenea



Category: Pocket Monsters: Sword & Shield | Pokemon Sword & Shield Versions
Genre: M/M, Victor is a hopelessly pining gay, quiet moonlight train rides, trainshipping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:00:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26820295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fizzpop_Stenea/pseuds/Fizzpop_Stenea
Summary: Victor is in a train-car with a beautiful boy, and it's tearing him apart inside.
Relationships: Hop/Masaru | Victor
Comments: 4
Kudos: 53





	Train-cars

Victor is in a train-car with Hop, and Hop won’t tell Victor that he loves him, but he loves him. And Victor feels like he’s done something horrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled himself a grave in the dirt, and he’s tired. Victor is in a train-car with a beautiful boy, and he’s trying not to tell Hop that he loves him, and he’s trying to choke down the feeling, and he’s trembling; but Hop reaches over, and he touches Victor’s arm like a prayer for which no words exist, and Victor can feel his heart taking root in his own body, like he’s discovered something he doesn’t have a name for.

“Vic?” Hop says softly, countless shades of golden shining in the depths of his eyes. “You look like you’ve got something on your mind…”

Maybe it was the dreamy moonlight outside the window, maybe it was Hop’s tired and content expression, but Victor has many things on his mind. He just wasn’t sure, but was dying to know when his best friend had begun to look so beautiful to Victor.

“I’m fine, Hop,” He replies quietly as his gaze drifts to the stars outside the window. Their shine is lackluster, however, in comparison to Hop.

“You know I can tell when you’re lying, right?” His groggy smile fades into a thin line as he turns his attention outside as well. Victor knows he can’t compare, Hop shines so vbery brilliantly, but Victor carries no such silvery sheen more lovely than the stars. “Your ears turn all red, and you won’t look at me.. Can’t you just tell me what’s wrong?”

_No,_ Victor thinks to himself, trying to intentionally lose himself in those honey-golden eyes he knows all too well, _No I can’t tell you. I can’t tell you_ anything _about it._

“I’m just tired,” He mumbles. Tired of not being able to tell you how I feel, is the unspoken end of the sentence, more a gripping feeling in their hearts than words to be said.

Concern rises to Hop’s once stoic features, and Victor’s heart leaps to his throat fueled by the same emotion. The nauseating feeling only doubles while Victor watches Hop slide out of the seat across from him, and into the one he’s sitting in.

“I’m tired too,” Hop murmurs as he leans his head on top of Victor’s, warmth blossoms where their bodies meet. Hop is warm, and Victor is starting to feel uneasily comfortable with the feeling of no space in between them and the way Hop smells a little bit like sweat and a little bit like hay and Wooloo.

Victor tries desperately to ingrain the feeling of being this close together into his memory, knowing full well he would only ever remember the image, not the feeling of it when Hop finally moves away. Greedily he tries to savor every second, since he’s so sure it will never happen again. And for just a moment, a fleeting, greedy moment, Victor let’s himself pretend. He let’s himself imagine, as he sneaks glances at the boy leaning on him, that he already has that beautiful boy, that all his pining in quiet had paid off long ago.

And despite the unease of knowing the underlying truth of what it really was, of what they really were, Victor was content. Despite the fact that the sun would rise in a matter of hours, and that this train would eventually stop in a city Victor didn’t know, and that he would never actually get to kiss the boy leaned up against his side, Victor was happy in a way he never had been before.

Victor’s fingers twitch as he chokes down his own insatiable need to wrap his arms around Hop and pull him close. Not that he would ever be able to, he was always too afraid of that light in his marigold eyes, so afraid he would destroy it. He silently reminds himself of the list he made long ago of all the reasons why he should never kiss Hop, lying quietly in a notebook in his bag on the floor; it’s right between the lists of different ways Gloria has burned curry, and of all the reasons why he should kiss Hop, and the notebook is between his spare clothes and camping gear, and the bag is between the sleeping forms of Sobble and Grookey, just as Victor is between what he wants and what he knows is for the best—just as Victor is between Hop, and the window.

_Reason one,_ he recalls while Hop leans further into him. _He is the universe, as unending as he is lovely, I could make maps of his stars all day and I would still never have the revelation I’m looking for._

“I hadn’t expected to be sleeping on the train like this,” Hop says quietly, like he might not be talking to Victor at all. “But maybe it isn’t so bad, y’know, at least I get to be with you, and there’s no one else I’d rather fall asleep on the train with.”

_Reason two, his gaze is too gentle, I’ll not be the one who tells him that not everything can be fixed with a smile._

“Yes, I know exactly what you mean.” But Victor knows that Hop will never understand what _he_ means.

_Reason three, he is all bubblegum skies and chapped stick kisses, and I cannot watch the love run out of his eyes._

Hop hums pensively in response, sounding unsure, though of what Victor does not know. Still, he doesn’t move away, never even seems to consider it.

_Reason four,_ Victor begins to sink into his friend’s side. _If I jump, he might just catch me, then I’d have to watch him tumble through the dark._

“Big day tomorrow,” Victor grumbles, trying to pry himself back out of his thoughts.

_Reason five, he is so good. He is so, so very good, and I cannot ruin one more good thing._

“It sure is, mate,” Hope slurs tiredly, his accent weighing heavier with his exhaustion. “Figure its about time we get some sleep…” And Victor knows, just as surely as he knows Hop is tired, that he will not be able to fall asleep.

_Reason six, I will not watch him crumble under the weight of my tragedies, he’s too light, too breathless to be caught up in the dizziness of my heart._

As Hop’ breathing slows and softens to the rhythmic sounds of sleep, Victor’s mind wanders to the list after the one his brain silently ran through. It’s a much shorter list by far, with only one thing written on its designated page.

_Reasons to kiss him, reason one, I love him._

That reason alone, however, just isn’t enough for Victor to need to act upon his feelings. Instead, he savors every second of the warmth and comfort of Hop leaning on him as he sleeps, knowing full well Victor would fall asleep there with him. Victor does this knowing that he will do this, this closing his eyes and pretending, every time Hop so much as smiles at him from now on, and he does not care.

Victor is in a train-car with a beautiful boy, and neither will tell the other that he loves him, but they’re in love with each other. And they both feel like they’ve done something terrible, like they’ve been caught in a lie, or jumped off a cliff, or broke a thousand hearts, and they’re tired. Victor’s in a train-car with a beautiful boy, and he’s trying not to tell Hop that he loves him. And he’s choking down the feeling, and he’s trembling, but Hop is still leaning his head on top of Victor’s, and the places where they touch feel like an unknowable prayer, like home.

Victor is in a train-car with a beautiful boy, and he’s starting to lose himself in dreaming that he could already call Hop his.

Victor is in a train-car with a beautiful boy, and he’s staring out the window to keep himself from giving in to being so close to Hop.

Victor is in a train-car with a beautiful boy, and he knows he’ll never be able to tell Hop that he loves him.

Victor is in a train-car with a beautiful boy, and he’s slowly dozing off.

Victor is in a train-car with a beautiful boy…


End file.
